I'm Sexy and I Know It!
by reyes139
Summary: When I walk in the spot, this is what I see. Everybody stops and they staring at me.I got passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it...show it...show it...show it... I'm sexy and I know it! humor/romance with crazy thrown in between!
1. Chapter 1

**So the plot bunnies hit me hard today and this is the result…Ladies and gentleman I give you…**

**I'm sexy and I Know It!**

**Ages:**

**Edward 38**

**Bella- 23**

**Alice-22**

**Micheal-39**

**Angela-38**

**Chapter 1 **

**Edwards POV...**

This is the life.

Sitting here…overlooking the Miami bay.

Sipping my scotch and perusing the lovely bodies of a few sexy ladies on jets skis...is definitely every man's dream life.

I'm your quintessential bachelor, with a sexy body.

My chest isn't as sculpted as a twenty year olds, but the bush of hair I was blessed with more than makes up for it.

All the ladies like to get 'crunk,' with big daddy Cullen.

My _Bling, Bling_ brings all the bunnies to my yard...hoping to spend the night with me.

Yep, ladies and gentleman...I'm sexy and I know it.

**So whatcha' think of our dear old Edward…**

**Leave me some love.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so here's the deal…I have twenty chapters in the bank and working to complete 20 more by tomorrow.**

**I will post two a day until I finish writing this bad boy and once it's done ill do a few more a day! **

**I promise you a good laugh and cheesy lines in every chapter…this I vow to all my readers.**

**Thanks again to Rach and Cat you girls are amazing! **

**Thank you for getting back to me so fast!**

**Oh before I forget Twilight ain't mine…**

Chapter 2

Edwards POV

Today my best friend is having a BBQ and invited me over.

I offered to bring more than my sexiness, but he kindly declined and said his wife had everything we would need and more.

Yeah, lucky bastard found his one and never let her go.

Michael and Angela Brandon are a pair made in patience heaven.

She understands his late nights and off the clock meetings, while he understands her ridiculous need to buy every stupid invention on late night infomercials.

Like I said they have patience...

Me on the other hand, I enjoy bringing a new kitty home every night.

My idea of a relationship is taking seconds and not kicking her out before dawn.

What can I say...I'm sexy and I know it!

**Leave me some love….**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay folks this is the first of three for the day…I got some major writing done last night and should be okay to post 3 a day to satisfy your sexy thirst!**

**I don't own twilight…**

**If you wanna come play with me on face book my names Reyes Fanfiction and my groups name is Massy's Minions…come join all the fun!**

**To Cat and Rach you guys are truly amazing and the reason I was able to get this out as soon as I did…flove you girls.**

**Chapter 3**

**Edwards POV**

Arriving at Michael's house, I notice a sexy new Audi parked out front.

I know it doesn't belong to either of them since they both prefer to drive around in tricked out Hummers.

It's a shame how the old folks try to relive their youths.

I don't needs 24'inch chrome spinners on my ride...oh no, give me a sleek Aston Martin any day.

The women flock to its sexy curves, like bees to honey.

I've had the pleasure of watching a few...cream themselves once my baby purrs.

I'm a legend in these woods.

I'm sexy and I know it.

**Soooooo whatcha think?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay folks this is the second update for the day…I got some major writing done last night and should be okay to post 3 a day to satisfy your sexy thirst!**

**I don't own twilight…**

**If you wanna come play with me on face book my names Reyes Fanfiction and my groups name is Massy's Minions…come join all the fun!**

**To Cat and Rach you guys are truly amazing and the reason I was able to get this out as soon as I did…flove you girls.**

Chapter 4

Edwards POV

I ring the doorbell and fix my platinum chain as I wait.

My attire couldn't get much doper than this.

Sean John has never looked this good before.

And Jay Z's scent 99 is sure to get me some fresh new pussy tonight.

Oh, come on we all know his saying...

I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.

Oh, yeah, I'm sexy and I know it

**Yup…even I'm speechless!**

**Thank you for all the love and attention this has gotten. Because of how busy my normal days are…its hard for me to keep up with reviews, but I will say that I read every single one and I'm touched by how many of you are willing to hop along for the ride…again thank you!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Short A/N because I'm so unbelievably shocked by everyone's response I will be giving you an extra chapter after this one…See, I love my readers.**

Chapters 5

Edwards POV

The door is opened by the most enticing woman I have ever seen.

Long brown hair in waves.

Extremely long legs and a rack which is begging for my attention.

My eyes travel her form from head to toe.

She is scrumptious.

She raises a shapely brow my way and looks me over.

Oh yeah, come to daddy Cullen baby...you'll be riding my cock soon enough.

I'm sexy and I know it.

**Leave me some sugar.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here's the last one for the day…I'm tired and about to go to bed! I'll see you all manana with more sexiness!**

Chapters 6

Edwards POV

"You must be Edward," her voice is low and full of desire...at least that what she sounds like to me. "Come in, Michael's out back firing up the grill." I squeeze past her, making sure my body rubs along her form.

The swell of her breast feels divine against my back and the warmth coming off her middle has my eyes rolling to the back of my head.

"Careful there, Mr. Cullen," she states, "wouldn't want to cause you any problems your hands will be the only one solving."

I smirked at her obvious attraction and asked for her name...

"Bella," she answers while walking away and giving me the first glimpse of the two tight mounds of flesh that adorn her lower back.

Yeah, I was tapping that tonight.

How do I know you may ask?

Because I'm sexy and I know it.

**So we finally have some Bella…thoughts?**


	7. Chapter 7

**First one of the day…enjoy!**

Chapter 7

Bella's POV

Jesus…what a creeper.

And fuck me runnin'…did he really think Sean John looked good on any man that wasn't a model?

But the worst has to be that nauseating cologne...

Who the hell bathes in 99 problems...that shit stinks!

I mean shouldn't a man his age be...I don't know, married and with kids.

Look at Mr. and Mrs. Brandon, they got together in their late teens...got pregnant with my girl Alice and made it work.

This man screams pussy mobile and commitment phobia, two things I find extremely unattractive!

He's a delusional fuck that thinks he's a sexy beast, but in reality isn't.

**Leave me some love…**


	8. Chapter 8

**Here you go my loves…update numero dos! **

Chapter 8

Edward's POV

Following that sexy ass to the kitchen is what I do.

I need to stay close and keep my guard up...she's a fiery one.

And I bet a hell cat in the sack.

Hmm...I think I'll call her Kitty!

A sexy kitty, whose body screams for my touch.

And why wouldn't it.

I'm a desired mother fucker, with money and a nine inch dick.

I could have her seeing god, if only she would hurry up and ask.

I know she wants me...

I'm sexy and I know it.

**Oh yeah, he's a delusional one…Bella's up next!**


	9. Chapter 9

**You're reviews are seriously cracking me up…now let's see how Bella really feels.**

Chapter 9

Bella's POV

For fuck's sake…stop looking at me.

No, I don't want you to pet me...I'm not a cat.

No, I don't want to ride your pony or any other line you stole from Genuine in the 90's.

No I don't want to lick, suck, bite or go anywhere near your disco stick.

Jeez, will this dude never take the hint?

What was the name of that move…oh, I know!

He's just not that into you…well remove the he and add a she and we're all good.

**One more to go…**


	10. Chapter 10

**Last one of the night folks…be back tomorrow with more sexiness!**

Chapter 10

Edward's POV

Why is my pimp swagger not working on this fly bunny?

She should be putty at my feet.

Worshiping my other worldly physique.

With those pouty bee-stung lips begging to suck my cock.

Why are you fighting this attraction my saucy l'ill vixen?

Maybe I should remove my shirt and let her feast on the sexiness of my hairy chest.

Yep, that should do the trick.

Why baby...because I'm sexy and I know it.

**Leave me some sugar!**


	11. Chapter 11

**So first things first…I have to say a huge thanks to CaraNo for the pimpage she has done for this story…I'm still blushing and amazed over how this story has been received. So thank you hun and everyone else who has tweeted, rec'd or just simply told a friend!**

**Because I love you all so much there will be five updated chapters today!**

**Right now I'll leave you with the first two.**

Chapter 11

Bella's POV

Ewww.

Ewwwww...mother fuckin' ewww!

Why would anyone walk around with that chia-pet attached to their chest?

Buddy please put that thing away.

My best friend Alice is laughing her ass off at my obviously offended face, while her mother shakes her head at the Douchebag's antics.

Dear lord…why me!

Why can't he see that one…he's too old?

Two, he's too old…

And three…he's too old and hairy!

So not my style.

**Yeah….**


	12. Chapter 12

**Numero Dos…..**

**So a reader has officially given this Edward the perfect name...Thank you yagalinus0429 fir the name...**Pimp Daddyward! ****

****It's just fanfuckintastic!****

Chapter 12

Edward's POV

I slowly turn around and begin to pull my shirt over my head.

She's getting a award winning view of the planes of my back.

I put in some extra stretches, showing off the muscles in my arm.

Oh yeah, Kitty, you could have all this...all you have to do is ask.

Mike is standing in front of me with a questioning stare, hope the out of touch fucker doesn't think I'm into his little buttercup Alice.

She might be cute in an elfish sort of way, but totally not my style.

I like em' tall, brunette and with junk in the trunk.

She fits my bill, heck I might be generous and give her seconds!

Everyone wants a piece of big daddy C.

Why?

Because...I'm sexy and I know it.

***shaking my head* will he ever get a clue?**


	13. Chapter 13

**Poor Bella!**

Chapter 13

Bella's POV

Is he?

He wouldn't…would he?

Oh Jesus Christ on a pogo stick…he's, _he's_ going topless.

Noooooooo!

What have I done...huh?

Why are you being so cruel Lord?

My poor retinas!

This guy's a hairy, cocky, big pimping reject who's attracted to me.

Why?

I swear the 90's called and threatened me if I sent him back.

Oh shit, is he coming this way?

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck…he is.

Is it too late to hide?

**Okay I'll be back with more in a bit…**


	14. Chapter 14

**So a few have asked if their will be a romance…yes there will, but it's a slow burn. She has to learn to have patience and lighten up a bit and he needs to grow up and leave his Pimp Daddy ways!**

**He needs to learn that having one shorty is enough.**

**Okay enough of that, lets see where his mind is now…again, poor Bella!**

Chapter 14

Edwards POV

_Here...kitty kitty kitty_.

You're personal sugar daddy has arrived.

I see the way you're watching me...watching you.

You like the way I move don'tcha?

I could rock your world and have you begging for more.

Just give Big Poppa over here a minute of you're time.

I swear Ray Jay said it best.

_Sexy can I, hit it from the front,__  
><em>_Then I hit it from the back.__  
><em>_Know you like it like that.__  
><em>

Admit you think I'm sexy...and I know it.

**One more to go for today!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sexy Can I?**

**Never go to Ray Jay for dating advice…lol.**

Chapter 15

Bella's POV

And I just barfed in my mouth...

Did he really just hit on me, with none other than Ray Jay's lyrics?

Who does that?

I'll tell you who...this delusional fuck, standing before my eyes.

Would it be mean if I told him how I really felt...shit it would!

What the fuck I'm a supposed to do?

I can't escape…he watches my every move.

And the laughing midget by my side sure as fuck ain't helping.

Wait a goddamn minute...did this half pint set me up?

She's fucking dead!

**Say it with me…Ohh Alice!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Okay so I have a few things I wanted to clear up…**

**While Edward is 18 years her senior…he isn't ancient either folks. I personally love older man and have only dated one guy, that was my age.**

**2: He is hairy and out dated, but he's still a really good looking guy…he's just misguided in how to woo a woman and Bella will help him.**

**3: He is cocky and conceited, but he's had women fawning over him all his life. Bella doesn't and this has thrown him for a loop, but he likes the chase and the new experiences it brings his way.**

Chapter 16

Edward's POV

"Edward," my buddy starts, "please…for the love of our friendship...please tell me I won't have to kill you?" Dumbass, I knew he would think that I, the great Edward Cullen, would find his daughter, the Smurf, attractive...but I don't.

"Fuck no...you moron," I growl lowly at the buffoon. "My eyes are solely for that tight little number in the booty shorts that your lovely daughter brought home." His eyes go wide, but I see the lust in his eyes as I mention my Kitty.

Mine.

He wants her too, I see this now.

But he can't compete with me...I'm too sexy and he knows it.

**For today I'm thinking six updates…how does that sound?**

**Leave me some love…**


	17. Chapter 17

**Here's….two!**

Chapter 17

Bella's POV

Oh jeesh, now I have both these idiots sweating me.

I know I'm hot.

I've been told I have dick sucking lips.

My milkshake can bring any boy to this yard.

But I'm more than that

I need a real man...a soldier, well at least the type Destiny's Child used to sing about.

Why can't I ever meet a nice older guy, with a good head on his shoulders?

Successful.

Family oriented.

Wanting to settle down.

Supportive of my medical career.

Is that too much to ask for?

No, instead I meet 'I'm sexy and I know it' rejects.

Fuck you LMFAO!

I blame you for douches like these.

**Yeah…she might be a wee bit pissed.**


	18. Chapter 18

**A special thanks to lvtwilight09 for the fanfuckintastic banner, she made for this story. I put the link on my profile and if its still not up look for Reyes Fanfiction…that's me! On face book and it's posted on my page**

**Who needs friends like these…**

Edwards POV

"You're not her type," he says.

"She likes her men fitter, less hairy and who aren't afraid of a strong woman." Angela jumps in.

"She's in med school and needs someone supportive and who isn't jealous" he adds.

"I've heard from Alice that several doctors have tried and failed. According to my little girl, she wants a serious relationship...not a one night stand"

My head is swimming with all this new information.

They can't be right.

She can't resist all this.

Really, she doesn't like them hairy...well her eye fuck earlier says differently.

Oh she wants this.

Maybe she could even become my booty call?

Every pimp like me needs to have a Boo, whose down for her man.

I should have one too...cause I'm sexy and I know it.

**No words….**


	19. Chapter 19

**Your reviews are seriously killing me…the small stories you share remind of a few of these characters I've come across in my life. But the one that stole the cake for me so far was this…**

**Thank you**** …yahalinus0420 this had me rolling!**

****WARNING********

**This mothafucka thinks he's the shit and can get any trick, ho, slut, etc. that he wants. He comes with a large head (not the one between his legs), delusional thoughts, and refuses to believe anyone/thing that does not pop into his ego inflated thoughts. He also bathes in cologne to insure headaches, dresses like a 20 year old gangsta (bling included) and swears he's the sexiest mothafucka to ever walk on God's green Earth.******

**How's that for a warning label? LMFAO! LOVE IT! ;)**

Chapter 19

Bella POV.

"You little shit," I whisper yell.

"Who me? Couldn't be?" She had the audacity to answer.

Then who…my ass!

"I love you Al, but what were you thinking? Seriously?"

"Oh stop it B, he's not that bad!" Her eyes shone brightly as she giggled, she found this amusing...

Amusement at my expense…how lovely.

My glare cut her giggles short.

"Look Bella...he's a great guy once you get to know him," I opened my mouth to protest, but her hand covering my mouth shut me up.

"He's a bit out there...yes! His dressing style is atrocious, his physique needs some work and his pimp routine is a bit hard to swallow. But the man could be quite charming and endearing when he has been trained right. He just needs a loving hand to teach him the right behavior to have in public."

Is she selling me on a date or helping me pick a puppy?


	20. Chapter 20

**One more to go after this till manana!**

Chapter 20

Edward's POV

I watch her talking to little Alice for a few minutes, before I approach.

They haven't seen me but I'm here...listening to everything they have to say.

I'm not that bad...am I?

Naw...

What she needs is to see a softer side of me.

I have one of those somewhere...

He might be a bit rusty, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

For some reason this foxy heathen has me all twisted and wanting more.

No, I don't mean me blinging up her finger...

Maybe a nice pair of earrings'…yeah!

Maybe I'll even add a pair of rhinestone thongs to sweeten the pot.

Fuck, she would look bootyliscious in those.

Come on and give Eddiebear a hug and lap dance, Kitty.

I deserve one after all the work you're making me do.

I'm too sexy to sweat baby, you know this and I know this!

**He'll get it…I hope!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Last one of the day…see u manana!**

Chapter 21

Bella's POV

"Alice, are you sure about this?" I questioned her while keeping an eye on the creeper that swears he's stealthy.

Dude…your perfume gave you away ten minutes ago.

"Have I ever steered you wrong?"I give her my best bitch brown in response.

It is her fault that my ass has a tattoo that says 'I love to be played with'

Like that isn't bad enough, she had the guy add hearts, butterflies and all the corny shit she could find.

Yeah I trust you...my ass!

"Be~just give him a shot, if it doesn't work, it doesn't! Nothing lost...you'll be fine...plus if he gets out of hand, you still have that full bottle of mace Charlie gave you on your birthday."

We both looked at each other at his mention and said..."may he rest in peace"

Charlie was a sexual therapist who was friends with our parents...I still say he was more.

He died such a horrible death.

Death by asphyxiation in an orgy.

Poor dude choked in more ways than one.

**This is my favorite chapter…**


	22. Chapter 22

**It's officially manana so…here ya go folks another chappie.**

**Now, before we head down to another ravishing chapter in Pimp Daddywards POV…I made one change in the story. **

**Bella's age will now be 23…why? At this age she should have completed her four years of college and is now entering her first year in med…Plus it would also explain a bit more of why her head is where it is. The girl wants a serious committed relationship with a strong foundation.**

**So let's recap some ages shall we?**

**Edward 38**

**Bella- 23**

**Alice-22**

**Micheal-39**

**Angela-38**

**Also before I go to bed…for those that asked when or what other characters will come in…the answer is I don't know. I never write a time line for my stories…I just tells it as I see it! But we might have one or two come in along the way to spice things up, so….keep and eye out.**

Chapter 22

Edwards POV

Hmmm...

Seems the Tink is trying to set us up.

This could work.

Oh yeah, you're as good as mine Kitty Boo...

Shit, that won't work…sounds weird.

How about Boo Kitty or maybe Kitty Boo-boo.

Yep, that's the one! My feisty Kitty Boo-boo.

Has a nice ring.

Wonder if you would wear a tail and ears for me?

I could make you purr all night if you did.

Promise to make you feel so good.

I might even buy you a blinged out collar.

Why...cause your the Kitty Boo-boo to the sexiest man around.

And everyone knows it...that I'm sexy that is.


	23. Chapter 23

**Sorry I'm late...been running around all morning doing errands…**

Chapter 23

Bella's POV

This feels like such a clusterfuck in the making.

The food is cooked.

The table is set.

Everyone has some liquor in their system and you're sort of looking good to me at the moment.

This has the potential to be very dangerous for me.

My inner hoor is spreading her legs, but that's because she couldn't close them if she wanted to.

She was built in that position.

My inner bitch is sneering at you and punching her palm.

While my inner angel is screaming 'run, run as fast as you can...he can't catch you, he's the all hairy man!'

Why she decided to say that, I have no clue, but I know deep down she's right. You're not the type of guy I usually go for; quite honestly… you're the opposite.

But, listening to you tell stories about you guys as kids, has me rolling and seeing a different side of you.

Oh shit, could Alice be right...you are a nice guy!


	24. Chapter 24

**Oh Pimp Daddyward…**

Chapter 24

Edwards POV

I have you now, my pretty.

You're looking at me with those big chocolate eyes of yours, but this time your look seems softer.

Oh shit, this nice guy shit actually works.

Go, Edward go!

Big Daddy C…1

Kitty Boo-boo…0

Angela and Mike help me tell you girls stories of our youth.

You laugh at the mention of my mullet.

I want to defend myself, but hearing your sweet laughter makes me forget what I was going to say.

Alice keeps hinting that I should take you out on my yacht and I want to kiss the little chipmunk for such a good idea.

That's two points for me.

I get to see you in a bikini and I get you all alone.

Plus, I get an added bonus this round...you get to see me, in all my bathing suit splendor.

Oh fuck yes...I'm sexy and I know it.


	25. Chapter 25

**Ready for more sexiness?**

Chapter 25

Bella's POV

Why does the sudden glint in your eyes at the mention of your yacht make me cringe?

Maybe not cringe, but afraid.

You look way too happy and that scares the crap out of me.

And Alice...

What the fuck am I going to do with her?

She basically just fed me to the wolf in sheep's clothing.

I see what this man is about.

He might be sweet...at this time.

He's definitely intelligent, if he's the head of the Miami Heat organization.

He's good looking, minus the extra layer of fur.

But, he's a major creeper…who has the hot's for me.

Plus said creeper is taking me out on his boat...where I'll have to wear a bikini!

Oh damn, shit...I'm fucked!

**Poor girl what will she do?**


	26. Chapter 26

**Last one for the night my sexy readers!**

Chapter 26

Edwards POV

That night before we parted ways I scored her digits.

She fought me a bit, but not enough to discourage.

I was going to wear her down if it killed me and soon, real soon, I'll be calling up my Kitty Boo-boo for more than a boat ride.

She owes me that much.

I've had all type of ass trying to hit this in the last few days.

My secretary/personal assistant, Tanya or thunder thighs, as I like to call her...has been all up on my shit.

I had to tell the shorty 'no.'

Sad day in America when I say no to a blow job.

But that wasn't the only offer I received...oh no, I had chicken head Jane, lousy lay Lauren and any hole Jessica.

All, within a matter of hours.

See all those ladies see how sexy I am...

What's taking my Kitty Boo-boo so long?

**Night my loves, see you in the morning!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Okay let's get this party started…**

Chapter 27

Bella's POV

It is D day.

The day where I have to go on a boat...to the middle of the ocean...get this, with a man I barely know.

I'm going to fucking kill Alice!

What if this asshole tries to molest me?

Well, I guess I could just kick his ass.

Daddy did pay for ten years of karate classes.

I could do some damage to this wannabe pretty boy!

Try me big guy, I'm Bella Lee!

Okay getting back on track... so I'm meeting Edward out by the marina in two hours and can't find a thing to wear.

Well, let me rephrase that...something that at least covers my ass.

Where the hell did all my normal bikinis go?

Alice.

I'm going to kill that garden gnome!

**Ohhhh someone's in trouble…**


	28. Chapter 28

**Oh boy, here we go!**

Chapter 28

Edwards POV

_When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly,__  
>I PIMP to the beat, walking on the street with in my new lafreak, yeah<br>This is how I roll, animal print pants, out o control.  
>It's Red Foo with the big ass fro<br>And like Bruce Leroy I got the glow_

Tanning oil...check.

Water and food...check.

Alcohol and fruity mixes for my Kitty...check.

One hot man in a Speedo...soooo motherfucking check!

One hot piece of ass walking my way, in an itty bitty blue bikini…perfect.

Come to papa baby…you've been a bad girl and are in serious need of a punishment.

That's right, no man can keep up with you…only this American stallion.

Oh baby, I'm sexy and I know it.

**Yeah, my mind is a dangerous place!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Numero tres!**

Chapter 29

Reaching the marina, I see his boat and I'm impressed.

Beautiful piece of machinery.

Its huge and matches my navy blue micro bikini, that Alice so kindly let me wear...believe me this itty bitty scrap covers more than the others would have.

The yacht's name is extremely unique and quite ghetto if I'm being honest.

Really? Who names their vessel…MY KITTY BOO-BOO?

And are those my lips sucking on the Y?

I knew this was a bad idea...

My only option to get out of this tornado is to run and get away, before he sees me.

But alas, Jesus must be mad at me for swearing excessively this week...because here he comes.

In, oh my god...is that a blue sparkly Speedo?

**Two more to go…and it only gets better!**


	30. Chapter 30

**yagalinus0420...baby, you are seriously carcking me up!**

****WARNING****

**This mothafucka not wears sparkly speedos that make you seriously question his sexuality...but also names his boat after his flavor of the month and to top it off, it's a 100% ghetto nickname which means he doesn't believe is regualr pet names such as pookie, sugar, snookums, pumpkin, etc. He not only has a chia pet growing on his chest...but also in more questionable areas which I must add a MAY CAUSE CHOKING AND HAIRBALLS label...**

Chapter 30

Edward's POV

Ahhh, there's my saucy Kitty.

Looking all fly.

My, _my, my_, look at those thighs and fuck me...that ass.

Good lord almighty her lady lumps are out of this world.

So juicy.

So bitable.

So...fuckable!

This woman's going to be the death of me.

What was it Sir Mix Alot said?

Ohh that's right...

_I like big butts and I can not lie._

_You other brothers can't deny._

_That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist._

_And I round thing in your face you get sprung._

Spoken like a true poet, that man.

Being sexy lets you become one intellectual mother fucker!


	31. Chapter 31

**Last one folks…see u manana!**

Chapter 31

Bella's POV

Dear God...why?

Am I not a good Christian?

Do I not help save those animals on TV?

You know...the ones with the really sad commercials. The music, along with their sad faces, makes my bank account cry right along with them.

I know it does the same to you, but I'm the one whining as the man in the tight Speedo power walks my way.

And...is that...oh hell no, he's playing that annoying song as he sashays my way!

Please don't wiggle.

Pleaaaaaase...don't wiggle.

And he's wiggling to his hearts content!

He does look happy though...I shouldn't tell him that it makes him look like a douche.

I guess if I can't beat him...join em'

I'll be the best damn wiggler on this marina


	32. Chapter 32

**Okay in light of how traumatize I have you all, I decided to give you guys a heads up. The man does not have a chia-pet growing around his lovely cock! I can't stand the idea of pubs and I would'nt do that to you all. He manscapes people! The hair is on his chest and chest alone…No extra fur on the back either! **

**Please forgive me for scarring you and giving you *begs on hands and knees* **

**Now on with the show!**

Chapter 32

Edward POV

Oh she has moves.

Move that pum pum, baby...we don't need no Malibu in here to throw down.

The way her hips sway and gyrate to this song has every brother at this doc sprung...I don't think I like that!

She's mine fuckers; get your own personal stripper.

Well medical school is expensive...and the way she moves does scream 'I know how to work a pole'.

So why in the blue balls are we not 'rocking de boat'?

My trouser snake should have been caught in her trap.

Getting lost in a sea of warm waters and cream.

Come on Kitty Boo-boo...you can't fight the moon light.

Give this sexy pole a ride to remember.

I'm just too sexy to keep on waiting.


	33. Chapter 33

**You guys are seriously cracking me up with your reviews for each chapter! **

Chapter 33

Bella's POV

Okay, so the man has moves.

Not something to write home about, but there's some motion in the ocean.

I don't think he could rock my boat...but I guess looks could be deceiving.

And why the hell am I thinking about his waves? That little bastard, he's trying to entrance me with his python!

Fuck, its working!

_No, Bella, we will not be entrance by that thing.._.Imutter under my breath and of course with the shitty luck I have ...he heard.

How do I know...because the fucker is kind of sexy, with super sonic hearing and shaking his money maker for all he's worth!


	34. Chapter 34

***shakes head* our boy doesn't learn...**

Chapter 34

Edward's POV

Its working...thank God almighty it is working.

She's letting loose and having a good time.

Smiling.

Laughing.

Even rubbing up on me a bit.

Good thing she's distracted, because the little white triangle covering her right boob...has shifted and we have peakage people!

Her juicy little bud is hard and standing at attention.

Should I salute it or surrender to her mercy.

Dusty rose has never looked so good.

Maybe she wouldn't get offended if I gave it a little nibble nibble.

A lickity lick please.

So pretty...

I approve of her sexiness...she definitely deserves to be on my arm.


	35. Chapter 35

**She still hasn't noticed!**

Chapter 35

Bella's POV

Would his dancing be considered 'moves like Jagger'?

I mean no offense to Mick, but I never quite liked his seizure dance style.

I mean the guy had no rhythm...just a series of offbeat twitches...God bless his heart.

But Edward…he's in a league of his own.

I truly do wish someone would tell him to do less 'look what I could do' moves and just let his hips talk.

Shit, I bet if they did...they would definitely lie.

Lets be real...we all can't be Shakiras!

Crap, I can't tell him...the fool looks happy and so sure of himself.

Maybe Alice was right.

I could help him...mold him, so to speak.

He can't be all that bad, if he's been friends with the Brandon's for so long.

Okay, I'll do it!

Project Mold Edward Cullen has commenced.


	36. Chapter 36

***hides* I have no words to describe this mans mind.**

Chapter 36

Edward's POV

Why is she looking at me like she's constipated?

Did I serve her bad guacamole?

No, that can't be right; it would give her the runs not the other problem.

Plus, women don't go to the bathroom...at least not in my head!

Please tell me it's a migraine.

I'd rather deal with anything...than stomach problems.

Just ewww!

"Edward," her small voice whispers.

My eyes snap to hers and I can't help, but smile. Her eyes hold a hint of mischief, yet still hold an innocent flair that make my heart flutter.

Innocence...did I just say innocence and flutter in the same sentence?

She's ruining my swag!

This should be a treachery to the state.

My sex appeal will plummet and then what will I have?


	37. Chapter 37

**Well I will officially state that I finished writing this last night and will finish posting all chapters this weekend!**

Chapter 37

Bella's POV

Oh no, did I say something wrong?

He looks as if he is about to cry.

Maybe his stomach hurts...the guacamole did smell funny!

Thank God I steered clear of that shit...no pun intended.

Fuck, he thinks I'm dumping him.

Fix this you fool or operation fix the LMAFO reject will sink before it ever had the chance to float.

"Edward," I call his name again, but this time he refuses to look me in the eye.

What the hell is up his sexy butt now?


	38. Chapter 38

**He's one of a kind…three more to go today!**

Chapter 38

Edward POV

_I will not look into this, she-devils eyes._

_I will not look into this, she- devils eyes._

Fuck...I looked.

Its just, she's such a dime piece...how couldn't I?

I'm a sucker for a good pair off tits and ass.

I swear its going to be my down fall.

"Look, I don't know why I agreed to come out here with you," she states, while my eyes feast on that damn nipple that is still out.

Did she not feel the breeze?

Oh I see your game Kitty Boo-boo...this is all a ploy to get me where you want me.

Come get all this raw sexiness baby, I know you want it.


	39. Chapter 39

**I laughed my ass off while writing this chapter…something similar happened to me once in a pool and I wanted to kill the bastard! But then he blushed and looked at me through his lashes and I laughed, damnit I'm a softie!**

Chapter 39

Bella's POV

Why is he staring at my...oh for the love of all things holy.

Couldn't he have told a sista' about her nip slip.

Damn, the whole thing was hanging out.

No wonder he kept winking and making kissy faces towards my chest.

_What a perv,_ sneered my inner bitch

But, he's my per...no, no, No!

Damnit, I cannot…and will not…fall for this man.

_I will not stare into the devil eyes._

_I will not stare into the devils eyes._


	40. Chapter 40

**Final one for the night…got some thing's to take care of with my munchkin…see u manana!**

Chapter 40

Edward's POV

Will you stop giving me the stink face?

So what, your nip was out.

I actually enjoyed the view.

Best nip I've ever seen!

And why won't you look at my face?

I don't appreciate all the negative eyeage to my cock.

Eyes up here Kitty Boo-boo.

Well unless you want to get on your knees and be at eye level...again I won't complain.

I bet you could give my cock a stern lashing too.

Ummm...the things that mouth of yours could do.

If only I could get you naked and on my bulbous tip, my life would be complete.

Shit...being sexy is too much work!


	41. Chapter 41

**Good morning peeps…I'm going to give you the next two at once since I'll be away, focusing on one of my other stories. I'll be back in the afternoon…I hope this ties you over.**

Chapter 41

Bella's POV

"Kitty Boo-boo stop being so difficult...I like your body and you've been sweating mine...lets just skip the 'get to know you's' and do it like they do it on the discovery channel!"

My jaw hits the floor and stays there.

What the fuck?

I should feel offended...shouldn't I?

But instead, I find this hilarious.

Did anyone teach him how to actually talk to women?

Does that shit he spewed even work for him?

Jesus...this is going to be more work than I thought.

Time I teach this boy a lesson!


	42. Chapter 42

**He needs help…**

Chapter 42

Edward's POV

Her jaw hits the floor and stays there.

She is officially dazed by my Mack daddy skills.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg, sweet cheeks.

Okay, why is her face turning purple?

Did I knock the air out of her with my smooth criminal lines?

Damn, I'm good.

Ouch!

Why did you hit me, little love?

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch...

Motherfucker! She hits hard.

I'm a sensitive man...no need for violence.

"Listen here you clueless ass...you will keep those type of lines to yourself from now on or I will hurt you in that special spot that makes all the boys cry." My hand reflexively cups my balls and holds them.

They are afraid...very afraid.

"You will be taking me out on a proper date in a week…got it?"

Dumbly I nod, hoping to avoid her wrath.

Home girl put the fear of Christ in me.

I guess this is the price I pay for being too sexy for my shirt.


	43. Chapter 43

**You want more…well here ya go!**

Chapter 43

Bella's POV

He looks like he might break out in hives any minute.

Umm...last I checked turning green wasn't a normal response to dating.

Ewww…fuck, dude, really...I didn't need to see you chucking up that expired guacamole, from Burritos on Fire down the street.

My mother warned me about that place.

I walk over to you slowly, hoping you're done by the time I'm close.

Sue me...I'm studying to be a pediatrician, not a grown man clean up service.

I can deal with kids, they're cute and baby poop don't bother me.

But a grown man's that's just wrong.

Back to the matter at hand. I walk over and gently rub his back, poor guy looks rough. Once he's done I help him downstairs and into the bedroom where I help him lie down and get comfortable.

In the bathroom I grab some toothpaste, his brush, a cup and then run upstairs to the kitchen for a bottle of water.

I wonder if he would be insulted if I passed him a bill.

What...medical care is pricey!

Back in his room I hand him the items I collected and help him clean up a bit.

He still looks green, just slightly less olive color.

His eyes close as he settles under the covers and as I walk away to leave, he grabs my hand and in a tired voice whispers…

"I'm still sexy and I know it."

...then conks out!


	44. Chapter 44

**I'm starting to find his ways endearing…lol!**

Chapter 44

Edward's POV

Ughh…why does my mouth taste like week old milk?

Shut up...I know what you're thinking, but it was by mistake I swear.

I read the expiration wrong.

Stupid milk...bought in a stupid hippy store.

With their stupid wheat grass and oat products.

Never again I tell ya!

Looking over to my nightstand I notice a small piece of paper telling me to call you, once I get up.

I wonder why you're not here in my arms and then it hits...Burritos on Fire struck again.

Damn you Jose...but then again, maybe I'll send him a nice little bottle of Cognac in thanks to the private health care I received.

She did nurse me so to speak...

I saw the nip, just wasn't awarded with it in my mouth.

See, even bed ridden I'm sexy and everyone knows it.


	45. Chapter 45

**You guys crack me up! **

Chapter 45

Bella's POV

Poor guy.

Bad guacamole just stinks…literally.

He spent hours tossing and turning with an occasional run to the bathroom to dry heave.

I stay by his side as he gags and mumbles about his unbelievable sexiness.

Even worshiping the porcelain gods, you hold firm in your beliefs.

He is a determined fucker...I'll give him that.

But alas, towards the early morning, he does win me over.

All wrapped up like a burrito with just his head and feet peeking out, he whispers...

"You're sexy and I know it."

Sweetest words he's said to date.


	46. Chapter 46

**Last one for the night kiddo's.**

Chapter 46

Edward's POV

I spent that day and the following in bed…back to cursing Jose.

Damn you and you're not even a Cuervo.'

I did text my Kitty Boo-boo to make sure she got home okay and see how her day was going.

See, you bunch of doubters...I can be thoughtful!

Okay, put the pitch forks away...I might have asked what she was wearing once or twice, but that's it...I swear

She's a naughty one that Kitty Boo-boo, sending me dirty pics of her chest and legs in fuck me heels.

I may have drooled and jacked off, not at the same time though...I'm not that talented.

She's agreed to meet me tonight at Bongo's for dinner and maybe some salsa after.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm actually excited.

Someone who finally appreciates me…for more than my sexiness.


	47. Chapter 47

**So Edward's Eternal asked for more and baby…I aim to please!**

Chapter 47

Bella's POV

So tonight we're going out for some Cuban food and dancing.

I'm actually excited.

The immature jerk is starting to grow on me.

Yes he's childish, perverted, a fashion retard, creepy, cocky...fuck, it's a long list.

But the point is…he can be sweet too.

Like yesterday he sent me flowers to my house.

With a small poem that read.

_Rose are red _

_Violets are blue._

_Sugar is sweet._

_And so is your cooch._

_You're sexy Edward._

Like I said, he has flaws, but has redeemable qualities too...ah fuck it, he makes me laugh.

And a guy that makes you forget your troubles, because he's stupidly funny...is worth his weight in gold.


	48. Chapter 48

**Ready for more?**

Chapter 48

Edward's POV

Your house is immaculate.

It smells of warm vanilla and lilac.

I love that fabric softerner...

I'm starting to believe you're my soul mate, my one...no other kitty would compare…type of situation.

It's scary as fuck and my penis drops a single tear for all the pussy he'll never have…but I'm excited.

Maybe you could be the one for me?

You could be my lady in the streets and my freak between the sheets.

I've waited thirty-eight years for you.

I can't believe I'm saying this but...

I'm sexy and have a potential wifey!


	49. Chapter 49

**Seriously this is the last one for the night…**

Chapter 49

Bella's POV

Why are you back to humming _I'm Sprung_ by T-Pain?

Don't you know any songs, where the artist didn't make up a word?

Well I'll give you props...at least its not Will Smith's get Jiggy song, jeesh, was that bad.

Still cringe when my old man uses it in his 'I'm too cool to be square' lingo.

But I digress.

Here you are in some decent clothes.

You actually own some slacks and a button down shirt.

And I can't believe I'm thinking this, but you actually look quite appealing in it.

The tie makes me want to wrap it around my wrist as I pull you in for the tongue lashing of your life.

This...this, you have on is a deadly combo and quite sexy, I might add.


	50. Chapter 50

**Good afternoon muchachas! Let's start the day off with some more sexiness!**

Chapter 50

Edward's POV

"Why are you blushing Kitty Boo-boo?" I ask, while your eyes snap up and meet mine.

"What did you just call me? Did...did you just say what I think you did?" You look perplexed and your eyebrows are scrunched up in this cute little eyebrow pout.

Adorable.

"I called you Kitty Boo-boo...it's the nickname I gave you. You're my special girl and you deserve a special name. You're a feisty kitty and my boo...hence Kitty Boo-boo!"

She looks constipated again.

Last time you looked that way, you demanded a date.

Oh no, will she want to wear my bling too?

Giving away one's bling is a big deal.

Am I ready for that kind of commitment?

Being sexy is a curse.


	51. Chapter 51

**She finds him cute too!**

Chapter 51

Bella's POV

I should be appalled.

I should yell at him for calling me such a moronic name.

I should bitch and tell him how demeaning that is.

But I can't...its too freaking cute.

I mean, even I see the humor in his way of thinking.

Kitty like a cat cause I'm feisty and have a pussy.

Boo because all wannabe pimp daddy macks have one.

I'm not surprised in the least that he combined the two and made them what they are.

Kitty Boo-boo...adorable!

Oh my God, what has this man done to me?

He's breaking down all my walls with his ridiculousness.

He's made me like stupid music and appreciates tacky fashion apparel.

He's, actually making me happy and dare I say...like him.

He's sexy and I'm fucked.


	52. Chapter 52

**He's getting it slowly…I hope?**

Chapter 52

Edward's POV

I lead you out as you mumble something about 'tacky clothes making you hot'.

Does that mean I need to pull out some of my eighties' neon clothing?

The guys from LMFAO were definitely onto something when they started dressing all whack.

Maybe their style is now 'fresh to death'.

If that's the key to your pussy then...I'll be glow in the dark ill.

Maybe that way you'll let me pull you into my smush room and make you forget your name.

Hearing my car purr makes you fidget in your seat.

I rev the engine a couple of times and watch your eyes roll back.

You like that kitty?

Do you see all the perks you could have being with me?

I would fuck you in this car...in a heartbeat.

Making you ride my cock while I rev that engine and squeeze your ass.

You would cum so hard.

Your delicious nectar, running down my cock and onto my balls...saturating me, marking me.

Fuck, I'm hard and so ready to tear that sexy ass up now!


	53. Chapter 53

**Last one for a two hours…have some errands to run, but I'll be back!**

Chapter 53

Bella POV

You're breathing hard.

Your hands are clutching the steering wheel and your dry humping the air.

Are you horny big boy?

Are you dreaming of ramming me on your cock, while you rev that engine?

It would feel so good.

I would cum all over you, marking you in my scent.

And now I'm rubbing my thighs together and slightly panting.

You notice and just watch.

Your pupils dilate and you lick your lips, which now are enticing me even more.

I'm just as bad as you!

I lean over and run the tip of my tongue over your jaw and you shudder.

"Jesus devil woman," you say while I nip that fucking bottom lip that's desperately begging for my attention.

"What's the matter...can't handle l'il ol' me, sexy?"

And he growls out a 'shorty, I was born to claim you' before his lips crash onto mine.


	54. Chapter 54

**Is it wrong that I find him sweet?**

Chapter 54

Edward's POV

She's evil.

Sexy, beautiful...and evil.

This l'il shorty in all her sun kissed glory...was made for me.

Folks I'm about to get wifed up!

She's just what I needed to be tamed.

She's my wild one.

The Bonnie to my Clyde.

The peaches to my cream.

My...wifey.

This woman has me coming undone and twisted.

She doesn't put up with my shit and hands me my ass on a silver platter.

She's all that and a bag of chips.

Just like me she's sexy and she knows it.


	55. Chapter 55

Chapter 55

Bella's POV

You zip through downtown traffic like a mad man.

It's sexy watching you take control of the wheel.

Your hands shifting the gear stick is making my thighs sticky.

Your nostrils flare and you groan.

Do you smell me?

Is my scent drawing you into my honey pot?

I'm starting to believe you'll be the only buzzing in my near future.

You definitely have the right tool and size for the job.

You wink my way after catching me watch the bulge in your pants.

What can I say...it looks thick, hard and juicy…and it's been so long since I've had a man between my thighs.

Could you be the one to tame my kitty?

You just might be sexy enough to pull it off.


	56. Chapter 56

Chapter 56

Edward's POV

We arrive and have a valet park the car.

I rush around and open your door, hoping to catch a glimpse of the tiny scrap of fabric...covering those sweet lower lips.

To my luck, you show me that and a bit more.

Your lace panties have bunched up a bit at the center and your lower lips are almost out for my peeping pleasure.

So pink.

So pretty.

So mine!

I quickly pull you out in hopes no one else get's a peak at the treasure you stripperized for me.

You look surprised by my manners and I must say...so am I.

I have never opened doors or accommodated any shorty before while out on a date. Not that I've had many, but you bring this side out in me.

Your smile is sweet as I kiss your hand and escort you in.

I hope to see that smile at every turn this evening.

Because seeing you happy has become my life's goal...well that and having you back that ass up...soon.


	57. Chapter 57

**I'm going back out…will be back tonight with four more for you're reading pleasure.**

Chapter 57

Bella's POV

Your lips on my skin feels nice.

Your hand on my lower back as you escort me to our table is sweet.

But the conversation we have over appetizers blows my mind.

You speak passionately about your job and the fulfillment it brought when the team won the Eastern Conference Championship...last year.

You speak of the hours you spend talking numbers with owners or the many meetings you attend, making sure our city has the best of the best.

It's like night and day.

This side of you is enticing and thrilling.

I see it in your eyes that you acknowledge my need for a man, like the one currently rubbing his foot over mine.

But I can also see this isn't you.

You give this side dominance over your need to relax and be you. I see now that this is just what you do to make others happy.

Suddenly this side isn't as appealing as the one that's slyly trying to look down the top of my dress.

You don't need to pretend to make me happy sweet man.

The crazy obnoxious you is more than enough.


	58. Chapter 58

**Last bunch of the night!**

Chapter 58

Edward's POV

I think you finally see me.

This shirt.

These pants and tie...they're not me.

I did this for you Kitty Boo-boo.

Because aside from wanting to slam you up against the closest wall and fucking you senseless...I want you to like _me_.

You've changed me Mooky.

This big boy just wants to ride or die with you.

_Maybe it is time to share my bling and crib with her. Waking up to my honey curled up by my side sounds like heaven to me._

_I hope she feels the same as me, because this sexiness' means nothing without her._


	59. Chapter 59

Chapter 59

Bella's POV

You ask me to dance, but I have other ideas.

Instead I ask you to hand over your keys and watch you hyperventilate. I kiss you chastely and promise to take good care of her...and you hand them over.

So far this night has been wonderful and all about me.

I want to do something nice for you, and what could be nicer than taking you over to the Pink Pussy Cat strip club.

Your eyes bulge and you become nervous.

I assure you I want this too and take you inside.

The women watch you as you enter.

Your gansta' pimp swagger has them all seeing dollar signs...too bad for them the only one dancing for you will be me.

I leave you at the bar and ask you not to move, while I search out the owner.

I tell him my plan and offer him some cash.

He refuses my dough and says 'I' am the epitome of what every man dreams of'. I shrug, say thanks and he leads me to the room I have booked.

It's perfect.

Now let's see just how 'happy' I can make his sexy ass.


	60. Chapter 60

**Last chapters will post tomorrow…I'm so sad to see this end.**

Chapter 60

Edward's POV

I'm stunned...literally just stunned.

My kitty is the motherfuckin' coolest chick ever.

At first I was afraid this was a test.

Fuck, would I fail it if my regular girls came to say hi and offer their services?

Lap dances you bunch of haters.

Jeez...what the fuck would make you think, I would pay for pussy?

That's a big hell no, for this player.

A pussy you have to pay for is a disease waiting to happen.

I love my cock...thank you very much.

And by the look on my girl's face, I'm starting to think she will too...soon.

You possessively lead me away from the winking hoes and lead me over to a stool.

You tell me not to move and disappear, before I can say your tits look amazing tonight.

Hey, if she brought me here...she must like the real me.

I've just turned down big booty Bree, when you return and pull me towards the back.

We step into a private room with a pole in the center and you push me on the single chair directly in front.

Enrique Iglesia's _Tonight I'm Fucking You_ starts to play and you begin to sway those thick hips.

My sexy ass is in for one hell of a treat.


	61. Chapter 61

**Only fourteen chapters left…so sad.**

Chapter 61

Bella's POV

You watch my every move and it's thrilling.

Knowing how much you want me...excites me.

But seeing the bulge in your pants move...ignites my lust for you.

Some might think I'm crazy for even attempting a relationship with you.

They don't see that behind the hairy chest and Mac Daddy swagger, there's a really sweet guy.

Yes you're crude and never think before you speak, but that just tells me you'll be honest.

Your sexual appetite seems as voracious as mine and I'm sorry but there's just nothing wrong with wanting to get fucked.

A lot of people in this world would be happier if they took those snooty sticks out their asses and bent over.

You've made me see that life is all balance.

You've opened my eyes to what I've been missing.

Now its time I pay you back...so hold on tight, this mamacita is going in for the kill.


	62. Chapter 62

Chapter 62

Edward's POV

You walk over to that pole and turn around.

You wink at me before flipping your hair and crouching down.

Slowly you sway those cum worthy hips and proceed to grind those cheeks against the pole.

Twirling a few times, you grab on and use those thighs to hold you in place.

You climb, climb, climb till you reach the top and then you slowly let you body slither like a snake to the bottom.

You open your legs into a wide split before my eyes and hold yourself in place while rubbing onto the pole like a wanton whore.

You descend towards the floor and finish your torture on my cock...in that same split that shows me the promise land.

You roll around and hump the air while your hands squeeze and pull on those nipples...the same nipples that haunt my dreams.

Finally, when you have them nice and hard, you get on all fours and crawl over to me.

Your body rubs along mine till you're finally within my reach.

I'm hard, horny and wanting you desperately.

You're more than sexy...you're my goddess.


	63. Chapter 63

Chapter 63

Bella's POV

The smirk that awaits me when we're face to face...leaves me breathless.

Your eyes shine with lust and something else...something deeper.

You kiss me and it's not the desperate...I'm going to fuck you till you forget your name...kind.

It's soft and sweet.

My insides flutter and in that moment...I'm proud to be your Kitty Boo-boo.

You accept me and my need for safe and dependable and you try to please.

I accept your wacky ways and never ending stream of inappropriate language...it's a nice mix that we have going on.

After a few caresses and you whisper 'thank you' and 'you were made to be my wifey'.

The last of which had me giggling at your nonsense...we leave.

You drop me off and while I'm disappointed I never got that O' inducing ride you promised...the date you planned for next week leaves me cheesin' and excited.

With one more passionate kiss goodnight, you leave and I'm left lost in a sea of happiness.


	64. Chapter 64

**Can we say awwwwww!**

Chapter 64

Edward's POV

It has been three months since I met you.

Two and a half since we started dating.

And one since I told you that...I love you.

You've changed me in ways I never thought possible.

No other trick calls my attention...since I met you.

I wake up with my shorty on the mind and go to sleep wishing I had your delectable ass pressed against my front.

The sex, fucking, love making...is out of this world and every time we finish...

I need more...always more.

The first time I felt you wrapped around me...I nearly cried.

My cock felt so worshiped nestled between your walls of love.

We had just gotten back from dinner with the Heat owners and you looked so luscious.

I gave quite a few players my evil glare, that evening, for sweating you.

They rode my ass over being whooped.

Who gave a shit...if I had you to go home to?

I'm starting to see you are just too sexy and don't even know it.


	65. Chapter 65

**Four more in two hours…maybe less!**

Chapter 65

Bella's POV

Three months…since you flipped my world upside down.

Two, since you let me see you were all I needed and then some.

And one since you got on your knees, held my face in your hands and said I love you.

Best night fucking ever.

That was until I gave myself to you completely.

That night, I watched you smooze with those wealthy men and women. You owned that room with that swagger that I love.

Yes...love, because it is was a part of who you are.

You kept me by your side and showed me off with pride as you spoke about my goals in life and how proud you were.

Not that I needed to hear you tell them, because you show me everyday.

Even in the most inappropriate ways.

That night, I knew I was ready to be yours and you wasted no time in claiming what was yours for the taking.


	66. Chapter 66

**Do you really think I would leave without some citrus…*shakes head* **

Chapter 66

Edward's POV

Standing in my living room you turned my way and said you wanted to be mine in every way.

My mind had gone south the moment we entered my crib, but hearing you say you wanted me just as much...drove me fucking insane.

That night I worshipped you.

Every inch of skin lavished by kisses and nips.

The taste of your pussy on my tongue driving me to the brink of insanity.

But having you scream my name as you came on my tongue...released a beast I didn't know I had.

You do that to me...bring out the parts of me that lay dormant, the ones only you can seduce.

Flipping us over, I held you tight above my cock.

My head rubbing against your nub...saying hello and promising to have you weeping for more...in a minute.

You squirmed and tried to lower yourself.

But I held firm...

Your juices dripping and coating my swollen flesh, told me you were ready and before you could moan another 'please,' I slammed you down.

'Fuuuuck," you screamed while I pulled you up and down.

Bam, Bam, Bam in rapid succession.

"Yes...oh God fuckin' yes," you moaned, while I growled "mine" over and over again.

Skin meeting skin.

Flesh slapping flesh.

Screams following growls of pleasure.

My hand rubbing circles on your little clit brought you to the edge, while the feel of my teeth digging into your neck...threw you over.

The feel of your walls fluttering, squeezing and milking my python, threw me over and automatically left me wanting more.

You were sweaty and had a satisfied grin on your face.

Oh yeah...I rocked your world.

Almost wanted to say...told ya so, but I didn't.

You're scary when mad, but I wouldn't change your sexy ass for anything in this world.


	67. Chapter 67

Chapter 67

Bella's POV

Since that first time...we're now insatiable.

You've discovered every hidden spot on my body and thoroughly conquered them.

You can play my body like no else can.

And I seriously believe you would kill any fucker that tried.

Oh yeah, this fucker is…jealous and possessive.

So fuckin hot!

Tonight we're both doing a first in our relationship.

We're meeting each other's parents.

Yep...one big dinner at your place.

You're scared shitless to meet mine and I'm about to puke from nerves.

We don't make a good combo at all...at the moment.

You're wearing your work clothes and even though you look fuckhawt...I don't want you to be anything other than you.

My parents are going to love you...trust me!

It's your parents that are going to think I'm just another gold-digger trying to take your money...


	68. Chapter 68

Chapter 68

Edward's POV

My mother and father arrive first.

My father looks you over and gives me a thumb up, while my mother fawns all over you.

She's calling you 'beautiful Bella' making you blush.

Best feeling in the world...watching the woman you want to be your wifey, chatting it up with ma' and loving it.

You have become thick as thieves as my mother tells embarrassing stories and you eat it up.

Laugh it up sweet cheeks...your parents should be here soon.

My father notices the bit of sweat on my brow and tells me to "quit being a pussy and grow a pair."

Now you know where I get it from.

The man is ten years my mother's senior, but twenty years younger in spirit.

I hope I have his game when I'm in my sixties.

My kitty deserves to have me intact and ready to fuck till we're 90.

The door bell rings and they're here.

I hope they think I'm sexy enough for their daughter.


	69. Chapter 69

Chapter 69

Bella'sPOV

"Daddy!" I yell as he comes through the door, accompanied by my lively mother.

"Pooky Bells," he says, before sweeping me in his arms and whispering how much he loves me.

My mother, the epitome of beauty, stands behind him smiling and waiting for her turn to hug her little girl.

What can I say...I love my parents.

"You look gorgeous baby," she gushes while subtly trying to find my man in the room.

Rolling my eyes behind her back, I call my sexy beast over.

"Mom...daddy, this is my Edward,"

My father gives him a glare and in his 'you better be truthful or I'm sooo kicking your ass tone...says, "What's your plans with my daughter, boy?"

My mother snickers while his parents laugh at his scared expression.

I give my father the 'cut that shit out' look and open my mouth to speak, but you beat me to it.

"I love her...more than any fly honey out there...she's it for me. I plan to make her luscious self, my wifey. She's my ride or die chick and I'm not letting her go!" Our family's smiles are wide.

"You had me at 'I love her,' son. Take care of my girl...and call me pops."

I knew they'd love him.


	70. Chapter 70

**Four more to go!**

Chapter 70

Edward's POV

Her father is huge.

Motherfuckin' huge!

Her mother is absolutely fly and way younger than what I expected.

Emmett, or pops as he asked me to call him, is the epitome of a Don Juan.

He has to be in his fifties, but his wife, Rose, or as she told me to call her, ma'...is no more than thirty-nine.

He understands me and accepts me with open arms and even gives me some fuck awesome advice on how to keep my honey in check.

Not that I want to control her, but it is fun to hear an elder show you the way of the Don.

Not everyone has what it takes to be one.

Fuck, I love her sexy parents.


	71. Chapter 71

Chapter 71

Bella's POV

Our parents embrace our relationship.

To say we are relieved would be an understatement.

His daddy, Carlisle aka Mc Cullen, thinks he is the hottest rapper in all of the 305.

His wife and my new bestie, Esme, is his dime piece and he treats her as such.

To say that man pampers her would be putting it mildly.

His attention is solely on her comfort and happiness...I love it!

His holy sexiness has been taught well, because he treats me like his personal little queen.

My every need and desire is met on a daily basis.

Not that I would ever take advantage, but it's nice to feel taken care of.


	72. Chapter 72

Chapter 72

Edward's POV

Her daddy owns a chain of supermarkets here in Miami...that caters to yup, you guessed it...hippies!

Should I tell him his milk once fucked me up big time?

Nope, don't want to ruin the lovely moment we're having.

Our parents chat and get to know one another.

Switching digits and contact info.

Kind of cute watching the old folk making plans to hook up.

No not that kind you pervs.

To hang out, have dinner, drinks...

The evening carries on as we enjoy the yummy food my girl made.

The men grunt in appreciation, while the girls share recipes...its domestic and cute.

My sexiness took a dive on that last statement but who cares...

I'm in love.


	73. Chapter 73

Chapter 73

Bella's POV

Time flew by after that family dinner.

Days became weeks.

Weeks turned into months.

School took over my every minute, but you understood and supported me.

The days of me bitching and moaning out in frustration, you took in stride.

You rubbed my feet if I was tired.

Cooked me dinner so I could focus and still have a healthy meal.

And then you fucked me senseless...so I could sleep like a baby.

As the season kicked off and the team was away, you became as busy if not more than me.

I missed your crazy, sexy, obnoxious ass at every turn and constantly wished we were living together. At least that way I could wake up in your arms and wake you up with my lips wrapped around your cock.

I've wanted to tell you this but I've been afraid you'd freak out and push me away.

I know it's stupid of me to have these doubts, but I can't help it.

I love you too much to lose you.


	74. Chapter 74

**So here we are at the end…or is it? I actually plan on revisiting these two in the future and who knows where I'll take them…I might even give you a sequel!**

**I am completely humbled and amazed by the response this story has gotten. To every one that read, reviewed, rec'd or just simply told a friend…THANK YOU!**

**When I started this, it came to me as a funny little bunny while I was taking a shower. I kept thinking Tom Cruise from Tropic Thunder and him dancing I'm Sexy and I Know it… I was actually going in the silly, funny, fluffed fill direction and it quickly morphed into something more. I wanted everyone to see this obnoxious fool fall in love and be loved for who he is in return. I truly believe that when you love someone, you love them…flaws and all. You never change them…you embrace them and understand that no one in this world is perfect and we shouldn't pressure our other halves to be. **

**If you take anything from this silly drabble, it's that life is short. Have fun, live hard, and love those around you with everything you have. See you guys on the flip side and keep an eye out…you never know when Mr. Pimp Daddyward will be back.**

Chapter 74

Edward's POV

You think I don't see the wants behind those chocolate swirls, but I do.

Hmmm...I do, has a certain _ring_ to it.

But what would be even better would be to have you sport my last name.

Isabella Cullen sounds like perfection to me.

So with the ring in my pocket, I take you to a home game.

The crowd is going insane as our team scores and lead us 78 to 65 at half time.

We're sitting in the club's seats in the very front and you giggle as the players stop by and say hi.

Some earning warning growls from me as they check out your assets.

You get so excited when we lay the smack down...on the other team.

Soon the lights dim and the crowd goes insane as the score board reads...

_Isabella, my shorty...my kitty._

_I love you more than life itself._

_Will you be my boo for eternity?_

_Make this pimp daddy the luckiest man alive and marry me?_

Your eyes lock with mine.

You let out a gasp as I fall to one knee and await your answer.

I'm knocked back as a shower of kisses descends upon my face.

"Yes...yes...oh god yes!" Your eyes brim over with tears as I put the canary yellow princess cut diamond ring on your finger.

Perfect fit.

Our family and friends sweep us up in hugs and congratulations as the crowd celebrates with us.

My eyes lock with yours and I see happiness, love and everything else I never knew was missing.

You have given me everything.

A crib.

A posse of my own.

Love and acceptance.

You are the reason why my sexiness no longer matters.

I see myself through your eyes and see a man who's complete.

I'm the richest fucker on this planet, because I have you...my Kitty Boo-boo by my side.

**The end.**


	75. Chapter 75

**Written for the Fandom for Children Comp…**

**Too Young to Be Sexy: An I'm Sexy and I Know It! Futuretake**

**By: Reyes139**

**Rating: M**

**Word Count: 2071**

**Pairing: Edward**

**Banner Made By: JA Mash**

**Summary: Pimp Daddyward's daughter is growing up fast...too fast, and wants to date. Will our sexy father let her take flight or fight the inevitable…wanting her to stay his little girl forever and away from the young bachelors in Miami.**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN TWILIGHT…**

**Pimp Daddyward's POV**

"Daddy."

_Daddy's no en casa; please leave me a message after the tone…Beep._

Sorry sweatpea, but Daddy can't hear or see the nonsense of which you trippin' about...

"Daaaaaddy," she whines and stomps her foot, clearly adorable, but not helping her case one bit. I refuse to listen to my sixteen year old girl tell me she's met a boy, and wants to go on a date…nope, not going to happen.

I will not be weak...she's just a baby. Fuck that, she's my baby girl...my angel.

Putting my fingers in my ear I begin my chant of "lalalalala," thus evening the playing field with my child and annoying the wife.

Wife= serious, demanding and no fun.

Wifey= sexy, naughty, vixen with a dirty mind.

"Oh for fucks sake," my Kitty Boo-boo raises her arms up above her head and storms away. She's clearly frustrated with my ass, but tough shit. I mean, Maya's just a little girl...impressionable and naive.

Sixteen is way too young to grow up and attempt to unleash her sexiness unto this world. Doesn't mean I'm blind and don't see the way the boys at her school follow her around like lost puppies… hanging on her every word.

Sure they seem harmless and with no malice…but I know better. I can see a sexy thinking fool a mile away.

Shaking my head, I level my teary eyed daughter with a serious look and say "No" before turning back to Sports Center. The Heat are on fire tonight and killing their opponents, thus giving me something else to occupy my attention with and avoid the upset child in the room.

Who said sports were useless?

"But, but, but," she pouts and tries that stupid trembling lip thing I taught her when she was younger. It's a bullet proof way of getting me to cave, but tonight I must be strong and ignore it.

Dammit it's just so cute, reminds me of when she was small and wanted ice cream, but her mean ol' momma would say no. She would always come to me and once the pout was out and trembling…we would run to the closest store and sneak in a few treats before dinner.

I was always her favorite and the weakest.

I dreaded this day for so long. I knew my past sexiness and Greek God physique, along with her mother's undeniable beauty and appeal, would bite me in the ass.

Maya Cullen was born three years into my marriage with Isabella. She singlehandedly is the cause of the salt and pepper look I adorn, but constantly dye. I know most men wouldn't tell you that they dye, but I'm not most and they sure as hell do.

Men are just as vain as women.

Now think about it for a minute and you'll see why I'm so petrified.

She has my Kitty Boo-boo's heart shaped face and pouty lips...an exotic beauty with big expressive green eyes and my crazy penny colored hair in curls. She has the gift of manipulation down pat and is an angel in disguise while robbing you blind...I'm in for a lot of headaches folks.

Her birth was the single most beautiful moment of my life...my player days were done and the overprotective, gun carrying daddy was born.

_My Don Juan of a father in-law just laughed and told me to invest in a lifetime supply of Rolaids. In his eyes, my stomach was in for a lot of pain and ulcer after ulcer._

_"My Pooky Bells caused me agonizing days of chest pains and homicidal thoughts..." his eyes turned cold and lethal as he relived those days in his mind. "I almost put a cap in this one guy's ass, after he made her cry at junior prom...fucker. Anyways, just be prepared Lil E, because if she's anything like her mother...you're fucked."_

_Fucked has become the popular word in my life after I became a father…you're constantly worried and second guessing the decisions you make._

_Wondering if they are happy and if you've showm them you love them enough…and will someone someday love them and cherish them 'til their last breath._

_I leveled him off with a glare as he laughed and patted my back._

_"Congratulations," my sexy mother in-law purred before smacking the back of Don Daddy in-law's head. Yes folks, I said purred…she doesn't know how to say anything without purring and rolling her R's._

_I just think she watches too many telenovelas on Telemundo._

_"What the fuck woman?" Her hands land on her hips and her foot begins to tap...so that's where my Kitty gets it from._

_"Emmett," she began in a stern tone, but he was quick...too quick and plants a deep passionate kiss on her lips while tipping her backwards. She blushes after he stands her back up and tucks herself into his massive frame._

_This fucker is 'the' man._

_Winking at me, he began to make his way towards my Kitty's door; with one hand on Rosalie's behind...I fell in love with this pimp legend all over again._

_My little girl was attached to her mother's massive tits...sucking and holding on for dear life with her tiny fingers. I was jealous, those tits were mine, but I let it go...she needed to eat and I needed to learn to share for a little while longer._

_I had to stop imagining my lips suckling and devouring her glorious mounds, sporting a woody at this precise moment was no bueno._

_I spent the next twenty minutes watching her get her fill and counting those ten little toes over and over. They were tiny and beautiful. My lips wanted to nibble on them, but I refused to interrupt the touching moment we were witnessing._

_No worries though…I would be snacking on a toes sandwich soon enough._

_"I love you Kitty...so much," my voice cracks as I plant tiny kisses along her cheek. "You gave me a gorgeous munchkin of my own and a family that I will protect and cherish 'til this pimp daddy's heart beats no more...You're everything I ever wanted and more...thank you." _

_Her teary eyes meet mine and I lean in, giving her a tiny kiss on those sexy bee-stung lips._

_An annoyed grunt interrupts us, I turn to give Don Emmett a piece of my mind, but stop mid glare. A grunt similar to what we just heard is released, just this time closer…much closer. _

_My little piggy was pissed at being interrupted by our displays of affection. _

_Jesus, the cock blocking already begins._

_"Can you burp her babe?" _

_"Sure," I answer, even though I was deadly afraid of hurting the precious gem still in her mother's arms._

_The moment she was situated in my arms...everything fell into place and my life truly began. She owned my sexy ass the moment her eyes met mine, wrapping her tiny fist on my thumb and pulling. Her eyes were bright and aware...with a tiny smile on her lips, crooked and all._

_Her mother claims it is just gas, but I know better._

_This is her way of saying 'I know who you are' and 'I love you.'_

_I held her stare and saw my life flash before my eyes._

_I was going to be in a world of pain when she grew up_...and I was right.

Fuck you Giovanni Garcia…fuck you, for falling for her natural charms and good looks. If it weren't for you, she would still want to hang out with her girlfriends and steer clear of boys.

You just had to fall for her beauty and ruin my life.

Her mother thinks I'm being unreasonable.

Her grandmothers find this hilarious.

But my Maya is pissed and hurt.

Her bedroom door slams shut and the radio blasts through the speakers. I won't go up and ask her to lower it...afraid to see tears in her eyes.

"Babe, you need to let her grow up."

"I'm not ready," my voice is barely above a whisper and you wrap your arms around my neck.

"Neither am I, Edward," she releases a heavy sigh and I'm afraid to look into her eyes, I don't want my kitty upset with me over this too.

"We've raised her right..." she says, "taught her right from wrong. There's nothing else we can do, but be there for her and be supportive."

"Kitty, I trust my girl...its every other fucker out there I don't," your tender hands massage my tense shoulders and try to make me see...that I'm not losing my daughter...even though that's exactly what this feels like.

"Edward, look at me." My eyes meet yours and they're filled with tears and acceptance. "She's growing up faster than our old asses were prepared for...I'm scared and so are you, but we can't hold her under our thumbs forever." My mind tells me you're right, but my heart isn't ready to accept that my baby is now a woman.

"In two weeks she'll be seventeen...one more year and she'll be legal and ready to leave the nest. She needs our guidance and help, not restrictions and to feel caged."

I hate to admit it, but you're right.

Fuck me, I hate this.

"Daddy, I just want you to trust me," her sniffles break my Mack Daddy heart. Opening my arms wide, she rushes forward and nestles herself under my chin.

Kissing her hair, I nod and tell her 'okay.'

"I trust you and agree that we need to give you some liberties.._.some_ Maya, don't go crazy and make me regret this." She kisses my cheek and hugs me tight.

My heart hurts and she sees this in my expression.

"I'm not leaving you Daddy...I love you and will always be your little girl." Damn fucking right she will be.

"You'll have a twelve o'clock curfew." She tries to argue, but my Kitty Boo-boo steps in.

"Don't push it, Maya Cullen...those are the rules and we need to meet this boy first. Now go call him and ask him to be here in an hour to pick you up!"

"Really...I can still go tonight?"

We nod and her obnoxious teenager self shows as she squeals and busts my eardrums.

"Are you sure we're doing the right thing?"

"Yes, my Pimp Daddy Mac...I'm sure...trust me."

Exactly one hour later me and my pimp club are gathered around the living room with a scared little boy name Giovanni.

His fauxhawk screams I'm trying to be a badass, while his Abercrombie gear screams my mommy buys my clothes…kids these days.

Emmett stares him down while flexing the twenty six inch pythons he calls arms in his face. The kid pales and we bite our lips to hide the amusement we find in this.

"So where ya taking my granddaughter…punk?"

"W-We're g-going to the m-movies Sir," he trembles and watches our every move…maybe this asswipe won't be so bad, heck he's obviously scared and won't try anything…that's for sure.

Not that my little Maya couldn't handle herself…between all the kickboxing and the punches she learned from all the godfathers she has through the Heat organization…she can lay me out if she wanted to.

"Which one ya taking the shorty to?" my father asks and shows his grills. Nice little gift from the missus on his birthday last year.

"The one on Sunset Boulevard?" He is smarter than he looks…asking so we can say yay or nay…the kid is definitely growing on me.

We were just about to ask which movie when my missus cleared her throat and gave me the mommy look…you know the one that scares all the kids and makes them eat their veggies…yeah, that's the one.

"Stop it, you three…don't fucking embarrass her or I'll make you three pay dearly." We swallow and nod…we ain't stupid.

My angel walks our way and the two kids just stare at each other and blush…it's kinda cute and terrifying, but I trust her and know where the punk lives, so it's all good in the neighborhood.

Maya turns to walk out the door, but runs back to me and hugs me tight…my little girl loves her daddy. I squeeze her tight one last time and push her towards the jack ass standing by the door.

We all watch them leave and get a bit emotional.

Don't judge, we're a close and loving family.

Grabbing my Kitty, we head towards the den, when she suddenly stop and looks afraid…

"Um…Edward…where's l'il man?"

Fuck my life.


End file.
